Est. 1971 — Exit 114, behind the fireworks outlet
“America’s 4th-most-survivable primate park”
Tied with our previous record. The sign shop has stopped selling us other numbers.
Our chimpanzees throw with an accuracy that has been read aloud, twice, by a court stenographer. Ponchos are $12. They were $3 before we understood our market.
Open — bring nothing you loveMarcel remembers every guest who has ever wronged him. Marcel considers eye contact a wrong. He especially remembers you, Dave. Dave, do not come back.
Open — Dave banned for his own goodPlease note: the petting is not optional, and you are not the one doing it. Guests describe the experience as “intimate,” “thorough,” and “I would like to speak to a manager.”
Open — the manager is a macaqueWatch our primates solve puzzles, open locks, and — as of last spring — car doors. Parking is now free, in the sense that we no longer make promises about it.
Open — check your back seatSnack bar and grill. Health inspection rating: pending, in the way the sunrise is pending — scheduled, inevitable, and dreaded. The chili is not banana. We know what you’re thinking. It is not that either.
Open — cash only, Terry knows whyI lost my wedding ring and part of a finger, in that order, in the same interaction.
The staff were very calm, which in retrospect was the alarming part.
My kid asked where the zebra went. So did the staff. So, eventually, did the police.
The waiver took longer to sign than the ambulance took to arrive, and I think that says something beautiful about Terry.
| Adult An adult is anyone who signs the waiver without reading it. So: everyone. |
$24 |
| Child Fast, low center of gravity, statistically our best outcomes. |
$12 |
| Senior Discount includes a head start. |
$8 |
| Season Pass In 54 years, nobody has ever needed one. |
$99 |
| Poncho Not optional in the Fling Zone. Ask us how we learned. |
$12 |
| Gift Cards The only thing at Monkeyland that never expires. |
from $25 |
People ask why we keep the gates open. They ask it in reviews, in depositions, and once, memorably, through a megaphone. The answer is simple: Monkeyland is family. Not our family — we keep our families well away from here — but somebody’s, probably.
This website has been online since 1999. The park has been open since 1971. At no point has either fact worked in our favor, and we’re still here. That’s not luck. Luck would have closed us down.
Come see us. Sign the waiver. Wear the poncho. And if a gibbon makes eye contact, that’s between you and Marcel now.
— The Management (currently Terry)
Our History · FAQ · Links · Gift Cards · Contact — the pages our lawyer made us keep